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by reigningqueenofwords



Series: Little Soldier [4]
Category: Avengers, Marvel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22825966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reigningqueenofwords/pseuds/reigningqueenofwords
Relationships: past Bucky x Reader
Series: Little Soldier [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625314
Kudos: 10





	Home

“You…you want to give me a chance to be his dad after everything I said, and how much I hurt you?” He was shocked. “Really?!”

“As scared as I am, yes. It’s up to you, though. What do you think?” You were trying to hide the fact that you were shaking a bit. What if he just walked out? What if he told you that he still didn’t want Dom. Your mind was racing, just waiting for him to say  _ something _ . Even saying he needs time would be something! 

Bucky had never would have thought in a million years this would be happening. That despite everything, you were offering this. He knew that this wasn’t being offered lightly. You had to have thought about this. Everything in your life the past six years had been all about raising Dom. Everything was to give him a good, safe, happy, and full life. He was terrified about messing that up. He was terrified of hurting either of you. There were so many conflicting emotions. He never stopped loving you, but couldn’t bring himself to even hope that you’d ever take him back. Finally, he found his voice. “I…” He took a deep breath. “I want to try.” 

Your eyes went wide, watering. “Really?” You breathed. “You want him to know who you are? You want everything that comes with it?” You couldn’t help but smile softly at that. 

He nodded, giving you a small smile in return. “Really.” He assured you. “Whenever you’re ready. I know you’re both in a rough spot, so there’s no rush. Can I maybe get to know him just as me, though, in the meantime? Maybe I can hang out with him and Stevie when he has him? Or maybe come watch a movie with him?” He wouldn’t push you into doing this when you were still in pain. 

You couldn’t help yourself, moving to hug him. You were so overwhelmed with feelings- sadness, pain, thankfulness, etc. No one feeling was taking over at the moment. Bucky hugged you back, just hoping that the two of you could move forward from there. This was a fresh start. 

* * *

The next morning as you were cleaning up breakfast, Tony came over to you. “So, did you want me to hire someone to go back up your house?” He asked gently. “Get your things to the tower?” 

You swallowed, shaking your head. “No. I don’t want strangers going through our life. I think I need to do that.” You told him. “Decide what to keep, what to donate, things like that.” You looked over at him. “Maybe start working on finally getting on the road to closure.” You’d always feel guilty. While you let Tony deal with the legal aspects of what had happened (aside from the questions that only you could answer), you weren’t stupid. You knew that your house was attacked because of you. Because of who you were. Your past had caught up with you, and it had gotten your fiance killed. “Maybe send some things of his to his family.” You sniffed. You’d only ever met his brother in real life, but had facetimed his parents many times. You adored them, and hated that you’re why they lost their son. 

He rubbed your arm. “Let me know when you want to do that.” He kissed your forehead. “Want me to have Nat go with you? Or Steve?” He offered, not wanting you to go alone. Not with all that work to do- not just packing, but the emotional work of something so difficult. 

“I’ll go.” Bucky spoke up from where he was pouring himself a second cup of coffee.”Let Nat and Steve both stay with Dom. I’m sure he’d like having them both around while Y/N is gone.” He noted. “I mean, if that’s alright.” He looked at you. 

You weren’t expecting that, but nodded. “Sure.” You shrugged. “I’m sure having you to help move things around will be handy.” He was stronger than you were, afterall. 

He gave you a soft smile. “Just tell me when you wanna go. I’ll get a bag packed.” 

* * *

Two days later, the pair of you had driven out of the city in an SUV, towards the home you’d spent so long in. Neither of you had said much since you’d left the tower. It wasn’t entirely uncomfortable, but there was a sadness to the air. After this trip, you wouldn’t be ever going back to that house. Processing that was hard. 

It was an hour into the trip before Bucky spoke up. “Want me to drive for a bit?” He offered. 

You let out a breath as you shook your head. “No, thanks. This gives me something to focus on. If you drove, my mind would wander. I don’t want that.” The thoughts could wait until you got there. 

He nodded, understanding that. He went back to being quiet, choosing to let you talk if you wanted to. This was about you. 

* * *

When you put the SUV in park in front of the house, you just sat there, staring at the large home. Your heart clenched as you slowly unbuckled, turning off the engine. “Here it goes.” You managed. 

“It’ll be okay.” Bucky reached over, giving your hand a squeeze. “Take your time.” He said gently. “You just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.” 

Licking your lips, you sniffed. “Maybe you can work on Dom’s room?” You suggested. “Maybe that’ll help you get to know his likes and stuff more?” You looked over at him, hoping that this would be something good to come out of everything. You’d be focusing on the rest of the house. 

He nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.” He gave you a small smile. “Just show me the way.” 

“I’ll give you a quick tour so you know where everything is in case I ask you to get something from a room.” You sighed before pulling out the keys and sliding out. The memory was still so fresh, and you then realized that you’d be seeing his blood when you went in there. There would be no way to go through your entire house and not see it. The thought was like a punch to the gut, and you were trying to focus on your breathing. 

Bucky walked around to stand with you. There was no way for him to even begin understanding what you were feeling. 

* * *

Nat had Dom in the playroom that Tony had set up for him, watching him play with some Hotwheels. Part of her wished that you would have asked her to go with you, wanting to support you, but she also understood why you didn’t. With you gone, there was a very high chance that Dom would cling to her and Steve. She smiled when Dom started to laugh, having put together a track that Tony had bought him the day before. It had a shark on it, and the small boy lost it whenever it moved. 

Steve peeked in as it neared dinner. “Hey, you guys, you hungry?” He asked, wanting to offer to make them something at least. And hopefully talk to Nat. He was worried about you, and was hoping to maybe do something nice for you when you got back. He just had no idea what. Hopefully she could help. 

Hearing Steve’s voice, Dom whipped his head around, his dark hair coming out of the hair tie that was holding it back. He had a huge grin on his face. “Can we go to McDonald’s, Uncle Steve? Please?” He asked, hopefully. 

“Only if Aunt Nat fixes your hair.” He teased. “Does she want to come, too?” He glanced to her. 

She shrugged. “Sure, like I’d let you loose with my nephew in New York City. Someone needs to protect you boys.” She chuckled. “Come here, Dom, lemme fix your hair.” She motioned for him to come over. “Low pony tail, or what?” She asked as he sat on the floor in front of her. 

He thought for a minute. “Low is fine.” He shrugged, making a black car roll on his leg. “Uncle Steve, can you ask Aunt Wanda to come, too?” Dom asked. “She’s always really fun, too.” He loved her ‘light up hands’ as he called them. 

He smiled. “Sure. Anyone else?” He asked, leaning on the doorframe. “Maybe Uncle Clint?” 

“Sure! He always gets a Happy Meal and gives me the toy.” He grinned as Nat finished his hair. “Can we send a picture to mommy? She says they make her happy.” Dom looked over his shoulder at her. 

“Of course!” She pulled out her phone. “Say cheese.” 

He got up. “WAIT!” He held out his little hands. “I want a picture with you guys.” He explained. 

Steve came in to sit on the couch, Dom getting between them. Nat got her camera ready and they all smiled as she held up the phone. “Now let’s be silly!” She told them, knowing you’d need this. They all made a different funny face at the camera. “Okay, I’ll get Dom ready to go, and hunt down Clint. You get Wanda and meet us in the lobby?” She suggested as she typed out a quick text to you with the two pictures. 

* * *

You were sitting on your bed, clothing all around you when your phone went off. Seeing Dom and your best friends, you smiled sadly. Letting out a breath, you just stared at it. Hearing a knock on the door, you looked up. “You okay? I was gonna offer to order us a pizza.” He didn’t dare move in further. He’d seen pictures up on the walls of the family you’d created here, and it was very clear the home had been full of love. 

“Nat sent me a couple pictures.” You got up and walked over. “He’s your little clone.” You muttered as you showed him. 

Bucky wanted to rub your back, but didn’t want to push you away. The two of you were making progress. “It’s so weird seeing Steve with a young me.” He admitted. “Never thought I’d see the day. Saw him with the family. Always thought I’d just be an uncle to his kids.” There was no way he saw Steve only having one. 

You chewed on your lip for a moment. “How about you order that pizza and I’ll pull out some photo albums to show you?” You offered, putting your phone in your pocket. 

“I’d like that.” He nodded. “You still like the same?” You’d always had the same pizza when the two of you had it before. 

“Yup, still the same.” You blushed lightly. “I’ll meet you on the back deck.” You wanted to enjoy the cool night air, and it was one of the few parts of the house not tainted by  _ that _ memory. On top of that, you had a lot of happy memories of Dom out there. 

“Want me to grab us each a beer?” He offered. “There were a few in the fridge when I got some water.” He explained how he knew there was some in the house. When you nodded, he went to grab his phone and order that pizza. 

* * *

Next to you on the table were six picture albums. Every year for his birthday, the team had started a tradition of giving you an album of the previous year of Dom’s life. They knew you always looked forward to it, and it would give him a lot of memories to cherish when he was older. Your eyes were staring out over the part of your yard that you could see. Some illuminated by the lights coming from the house, others by the moon. As you heard Bucky come out, you didn’t look over. “He’s so upset about leaving this.” You told him. “Dom, I mean.” Although, who else would you mean? “He’s spent so much time out here playing with the soccer kit that Bruce got him for Christmas one year. He has so many memories of Steve kicking the ball around with him, Nat playing goalie, and Clint randomly running in to playfully steal the ball to make Dom get it back.” You sniffed. “He is going to miss this, and his friends.” 

Bucky sat down, sliding your beer towards you on the table. “You don’t think you could ever come back?” He asked. Sipping his beer, he watched you. 

“No. I..I can’t.” You sighed. “I’d love to, for Dom. He’s my everything, and I’d do anything to make him happy.” You glanced at him, shrugging a shoulder. “But living in the house my fiance was killed in is where I draw the line.” You lifted your beer to your lips, drinking almost half in one go. “It’s Tony’s. He can do whatever he wants with it after.” You told him. “But, enough about that. I believe that I told you I’d show you pictures.” Moving your chair so you were a bit closer, you grabbed the first one. “This is my pregnancy, and up until he’s a year old.” You opened it to the first page. 

He saw a picture of you and the entire team- except for him. It was clear it was taken at the house, and you looked very pregnant. Seeing the date neatly written underneath, it was about two months after you’d moved out. He turned the page, chuckling lightly at the picture of Nat poking your belly. “This is a side of her I didn’t expect. Seeing her with Dom is interesting.” 

You smiled softly. “Yeah, he brought out something in her I don’t even think that she knew was there.” You said honestly. “Clint took that when she was trying to get him to kick. She was ‘lecturing’ him on not listening already.” You chuckled at the memory. “As soon as she went to get a drink...he kicked.” 

Hearing things like this hurt, but he did this to himself. The next page was you putting things away in a dresser, very pregnant, and Tony in the background. “What was he doing?” He tried to figure it out, with no luck. 

“Your guess is as good as mine.” You shrugged. “He was always tinkering with things when he came.” You told him. The other pictures were of your baby shower. Seeing the guys participating was still funny to you. When you turned the page, there was a picture of Dom on your chest, his birth announcement, a picture of the gifts the others had sent, and then you dressing Dom to go home. “While it seems like just yesterday in so many ways, it feels like it was ages ago.” You mused, looking over your son’s newborn face. “Parenthood is funny like that.” 

You were on the second book when the pizza arrived. He got up to get that, and you simply kept looking at the pages you were on. Your fingers traced his small face. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he’d had his innocence shattered at such a young age. It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t come back to the only home he had ever known. Sniffing, you wiped your cheeks. You tried to calm yourself before Bucky came back out. It was so hard to be this vulnerable around him, but you couldn’t help it. It just came out. Part of you wanted to remain guarded after everything, but part of you wanted the trust that the two of you once had. Even before you were a couple. You trusted each other a great deal. He had been your best friend, as well. The one that you told everything to. The one that held your hair back when you’d had too much to drink. The one that ‘threatened’ dumbass guys after dumping you. The one that had always been there. You had thought you knew him well. You had been wrong. 

Bucky set the pizza on an empty chair, not wanting to move the books. “Want me to get plates?” He asked. 

“Nah.” You shook your head. “We can eat one handed so we don’t get these greasy.” You shrugged a shoulder, opening the box to grab a slice. 

* * *

The two of you had spent hours in the back, chatting about Dom, about the team, and things in the pictures. He had learned so much in a short amount of time. From the team, from Dom’s room, from you, and the pictures. And he wanted to know more. The more he learned, the more he hated himself for walking away. He was torn, however. He still felt valid in what he had been thinking- that he was a monster, that he’d screw a kid up. On the other hand, with you as a mother, wouldn’t Dom have a damn good chance to not be screwed up? That’s all he could think about as he stared at the ceiling. He was in a spare room, and you were just down the hall. 

You were doing basically the same thing. Since that first night that you’d opened up to Steve, you hadn’t slept alone. At all. Either Steve or Nat stayed with you. You knew that couldn’t last forever. Hell, Nat was already saying there was something between you and Steve. Which was insane. The thought of being with him made you scrunch your nose. 

Turning your head to the side, you saw the clock numbers as if they were much brighter than they were. It was just before midnight. You had a lot of work to do the next day, and you were exhausted. “Shit.” You groaned, pushing back the covers before slipping out. Your bare feet led you out of your room, and down the hall. 

Hearing a knock on his door, he furrowed his brows. Bucky got up and went to open it. “Doll?” He asked, confused. 

You sagged. “I haven’t been sleeping alone at all lately.” You looked down. “Either Steve or Nat stays with me. I know this is weird, and awkward...feel free to say no…” You rambled. “Ca-can I stay in here with you? Or you come stay in my room?” You asked, stomach in knots. 

Bucky made you look at him. “Of course.” He agreed. “Let’s get back to your room. I’m sure you’re more used to that room, right?” He asked. When you nodded, he gave you a sad smile. “Then let’s get some sleep.”


End file.
